A Jedi's Duty
by Evanne Martine Hall
Summary: Takes place sometime between E2 and E3. Obi-Wan was seriously injured in a battle. His young Jedi friend, Eleila, a woman of the New Order, is sent to care for him. It's really not as bad as it sounds. Please, read and review!
1. An Odd Assignment

A solitary Jedi Knight was standing in the center of a dark room. The shades had all been drawn. Coruscant was nothing like it used to be. The pollution was unbearable, and the traffic outside the windows was horrendous. Most of the Council were away on quests, as the self-professed Galactic Empire grew, gaining more and more power in the outer reaches of the Republic, but Master Yoda remained. He approached the Jedi standing in the center of the room.  
  
"Thinking, I see," he said, swinging onto a stool nearby. The Jedi stirred.  
  
"I have been thinking often," they said. Yoda rested his chin on his fingertips.  
  
"You have many thoughts worth thinking of, I believe. You dwell on them."  
  
"Not entirely."  
  
"Lying, you are. You dwell on the thoughts that invade your mind. You blame yourself for Master Obi-Wan's injury, I think."  
  
The Jedi turned, revealing long black hair that swung over one shoulder. Bright blue eyes flashed in a pale, freckled face. It was a Jedi of the New Order - a woman. She had soft, sculpted features, with a firm jaw set below a pretty face. She was clearly not older than twenty, quite young for an experienced Jedi. Her eyes were flaming with passion as she faced Master Yoda.  
  
"You need not be angry, young Jedi," chuckled Yoda.  
  
"This is no laughing matter," said the Jedi, taking a step toward her master.  
  
"Indeed," said Yoda simply. He smiled slightly. "I can see why Master Ophedias was so eager to have you pass the tests. You are strong, but you are also strong-willed. Much like Master Obi-Wan, I see. Very much alike, you two are." He sat and watched the young master as she turned back to the window.  
  
"I enjoy his company," said the Jedi, "I am not ashamed of that." Yoda closed his eyes.  
  
"I see things that should not be seen," he said, "You are very close to Master Obi-Wan. You must be careful. Do not let your feelings -"  
  
"Betray me," finished the Jedi, "You have nothing to fear from me. I have no desire to love. I am not Anakin, remember?"  
  
Yoda sighed. So many young ones, so many tempers, prides, egos, and passions. They were so different from the Knights of the Old Order. He sat quietly for a moment, then said, "Why did you not go with him to Moniron? Had leave, you did. Take it, you did not."  
  
"I know, Master Yoda, but I felt . . . I felt as though my place was here. Did you not sense it also?"  
  
"I did not sense any danger here." It was as if he were prompting her to tell more.  
  
"It wasn't . . . danger . . ." she began, "It was . . . an imbalance. I feel . . . unsettled."  
  
"Go to Moniron," said Yoda. "It is your guilt that makes you feel so unsettled. And miss Master Obi-Wan, you do. Go with him until he has recovered. Give you leave, I do."  
  
"Master Yoda, I -"  
  
"Go, or revoke your title of Jedi Knight the council does. Your assignment, Master Obi-Wan is." With that, he went to leave the room. He turned back, however, and said, "Take care, young Eleila. Danger, I sense, hangs near." He left Eleila with her thoughts.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Eleila hid her extra lightsaber in her bag. She had made a habit of losing them: one of the many things that Master Ophedias had resented her for. He had been glad when she was of age to test. She had yet to take a Padowan. She didn't want the responsibility. She had seen what Anakin was doing to Master Obi-Wan, and she had no desire to take on something like that. She would much rather just take care of herself. And now, by order of the Council, take care of Obi-Wan, too.  
  
No matter what she told Master Yoda, she still had some form of feelings for Obi-Wan. He was nearly twenty years her senior, so they weren't exactly romantic, but there was something she felt for him that was unfamiliar to her. She had, after all, been raised as a Jedi, trained to not know fear, love, or hate.  
  
Then there was Yoda himself. She smiled as she thought of the old Master as she got onto the ship. It was a refugee ship, but she managed to find an out-of-the-way place to sit. Yoda was her favorite being in the Universe. He was nearly like a father to her. If she was emotionally attached to anyone, it was him. Having not realized how tired she was, she leaned against the window and fell asleep.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Eleila awoke just as the ship was docking on Moniron. She gathered her bags and began to walk to get a taxi to Obi-Wan's home. Despite his place as a Jedi, Obi-Wan had kept his residence on Moniron, his home planet, as a place of solitude and, well, refuge. He retreated to it often, but was never very far out of reach from the Council. Eleila found a taxi quickly, told the Garmon taxi man where she wanted to go, and climbed inside. The cabby was a very reckless driver, as most Garmons were, but she arrived at Obi-Wan's country home fairly quickly. She paid him (a ridiculous fare, but she didn't argue), and carried her bags up to the door. She raised her hand and knocked.  
  
A blonde-haired woman came to the door. She was dressed in the typical Moniron nurse's uniform, and looked like the typical Moniron humanoid, with blonde hair, sharp, chiseled features, and dark, heavy, piercing eyes. She looked Eleila over once, then asked sharply, "Who are you?"  
  
"I am Eleila. I believe I'm expected," she answered. She knew better than to attempt a mind trick on a Moniron, especially a nurse. They were known for their sharp minds. This one gave her another piercing look.  
  
"Just a moment," she said after a pause. Eleila waited out in the bright sunlight that came rarely on this planet, until the blonde nurse returned.  
  
"You aren't expected," she said briskly, "But you are wanted. Come in." She stepped back so Eleila, her bags, and her flowing beige robes could fit through the door. Once inside, the nurse took her bags from her and carried them up the metal spiral staircase near the door. Eleila glanced around, taking in all of the sights.  
  
A spacious sitting room was located to her right, and a little way in front of her to the left was a brightly lit living area, with the shades on the large windows open, letting the light stream in. The entire house was a typical Moniron country house, but to Eleila it was an escape from the smog and crowds of her own home planet of Coruscant. A foreign bird flew past the window, across the stream, and into the field that was all visible from where she stood. As she stood taking in the scene in front of her, the nurse called from upstairs.  
  
"Master Obi-Wan will see you now," she said. She sounded thoroughly annoyed, like she didn't really want to play butler. Eleila could understand. She climbed the stairs quickly and quietly, with grace and swiftness borne of her Jedi training. The nurse led her down a long, narrow hallway to a large, nearly bare, well-lit room. The nurse simply pointed and Eleila smiled at her.  
  
"Thank you," she said politely, giving her the warmest look she could manage, while she knew her eyes flashed malice. She did not like this woman, although she did not understand the feeling that she had toward her.  
  
A single, low bed was near the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked onto a sparkling blue lake. The curtains were thrown back, and the bed, covered with white linen, held the one person she didn't even know she had been longing to see since he left Coruscant three weeks ago.  
  
His eyes were closed, and his breathing was soft and even. She was a bit confused as the nurse had said he would see her now. An empty cartridge of sleeping meds next to the bed explained it. She pulled a chair sitting near his bed closer, and sat. She wasn't used to sitting near a Jedi master, but now . . . He looked so vulnerable. She wanted to sit and watch him sleep. He was one of her best friends, but she didn't know it. To have a friend meant to love, and love was forbidden for a Jedi. All she knew was that there was something about him that made her want to be near him. For some reason, unknown to her, she gently took his hand in hers, and held it for a very long time, simply sitting and watching him sleep.  
  
After a while, he began to stir. The medication was wearing off. She let go of his hand, but continued to sit and watch him sleep. Ever so slowly, his steely blue eyes opened, blinking in the bright sunlight. He slowly rolled over and saw her sitting there. His eyes smiled before the rest of his face. He had a little more world experience than Eleila to know what he felt for this young Jedi was affection, but he didn't know how to handle it. Friendship was not something that was taught among the Jedi. They did not like or dislike, they were to be accepting of everyone. His face broke out in a big grin. He never did hold to the Jedi code of emotional attachment. He made friends, and even loved some of them.  
  
"Hello," he said, "I thought you were staying in Coruscant."  
  
"The Council gave me an assignment."  
  
"Why are you here, then?"  
  
"My assignment is you. I am to help you recover, and to assure that you are ready to resume your duty as quickly as possible."  
  
Obi-Wan nearly laughed. "Master Yoda gave you this assignment, didn't he?"  
  
Eleila did laugh. "That he did."  
  
"That is like him."  
  
They sat quietly for a moment. He sat himself up on the many pillows stacked behind him. Eleila glanced a bloodstained bandage on his lower left arm and winced. The arm he had used to block a laser blast for her. Even Master Yoda's reassurances that this wasn't her fault didn't seem to shake the feeling that he wouldn't be lying there under the care of a Moniron nurse if not for her. He must have seen her flinch, because he withdrew his arm from the blankets.  
  
"It isn't that bad," he said, unwrapping the gauze to show her the burn was healing and there was very little blood left. Eleila wasn't squeamish, so when she asked to see the worst part, his right leg, he obliged. His hip was healing under a mechanical cast, but his lower leg was mangled still. The nurse came in at that moment and announced she had to change the dressing, and Eleila had to leave.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," she said with Jedi determination (Obi-Wan called it civil stubbornness). The nurse agreed reluctantly, saying that if she needed to vomit she had to leave, because the room needed to remain germ-free.  
  
His leg looked terrible and painful. Pieces of flesh had been torn off by his own lightsaber when it fell from his hand, it had been blasted by several lasers, and even, as the attackers became more desperate, sliced a number of times by a simple knife. Now, it was nearly healed. A few scars would remain, but the wounds were nearly all closed.  
  
Obi-Wan watched his young friend with great attentiveness. Her sweet little face was set hard as it usually was when she was determined. He smiled slightly. She was still, in many ways, just a little girl, but also, in many more, a very brave woman. No matter whether she was girl or woman, however, she was always very much a Jedi. He had thought on many occasions why she could not have been born earlier and become his Padowan, but he had no regrets on taking on Anakin. Well, unless you counted the incident in which his leg and arm were mangled. But then again, Anakin lost his own right arm up past the elbow in another battle, so he was thankful for having all of his limbs. He stopped thinking about Anakin and went back to watching Eleila, his Pretty One. He would never call her that to her face. Then he would definitely loose a limb. She was biting her lip now, trying harder than ever to not look at his face.  
  
Finally, the nurse finished. Eleila returned to her seat by his bedside.  
  
"There now," he said, throwing the blanket back over his leg, "That wasn't so bad."  
  
He sounded like he was speaking to a child that had just returned from getting a vaccination.  
  
"Please, Master," she said, still feeling a little contrary, "I am seventeen, you know."  
  
He smiled. Still a girl. The nurse returned with two metal trays of food. Some sort of pastry and a watery soup that she assumed was to help him heal. They ate together, discussing what their fellow Jedi were doing, and whether or not Anakin was getting into trouble.  
  
"I have not heard much," she said, "But anything of significance would have been reported."  
  
"He cannot go a day without some sort of trouble," said Obi-Wan.  
  
"That is true." Eleila got a far off look in her eyes. Why should Anakin get special treatment? Why could he do anything he wanted? The Council surely knew of his secret marriage, and yet they did nothing. Obi- Wan noticed her face and called her on it.  
  
"What are you thinking of, Little One?" he asked, using the translation of her Du'rixteu name, pulling her out of her thoughts.  
  
"Nothing, Master. Only that I . . . I am a bit homesick." It was partly true. And she knew better than to think he would search her thoughts.  
  
He then did something that neither of them could really believe. He reached up and placed his hand on her cheek, brushing it gently with his thumb. They remained like that for a while, touching for only the third time. The sun began to set behind the Moniron forest and the nurse came in to draw the curtains, and they stirred for the first time. The nurse gave Obi-Wan another dose of sleeping pills, then led Eleila to her room. It wasn't nearly as large as Obi-Wan's, and not nearly as bare. There were pieces of wicker furniture everywhere, and the bed was covered with lilac sheets and a floral blanket. It was clearly a girl's room, but had Obi-Wan ever had any sisters? She changed into her nightgown - a long, cotton nightdress, made simply and worn simply - and let her hair fall down out of its knot on the top of her head. She ran a brush through it and braided it. She then lay down on her bed and tried to fall asleep.  
  
That night she dreamt of the meadows across the stream from Obi-Wan's house. She was running across it in a ridiculous dress of white satin - a wedding dress. It flowed out behind her in the breeze as she ran. She felt, for the first time in her life, beautiful, with her hair curled and piled on top of her head. She laughed, and someone behind her caught her hand. "I love you," they whispered. She turned slowly as they pulled her into a kiss. When she pulled back, she saw the face of the person who kissed her. It was Obi-Wan.  
  
  
  
A/N: A nice, kind reviewer pointed out a small error on my part. I hope I have all references to it fixed (in case you didn't notice, it was the age difference. I was off by about ten years. Hehehe). I'm sure if anyone notices anything else they'll let me know. Thanks to Rhea for that correction! 


	2. Views from the Subconscious

Ch. 2: Views from the Subconscious 

Eleila woke up with a start. She could hardly believe what her subconscious had just thought up. It was a truly ridiculous scenario. Master Obi-Wan and herself? Never. They were Jedi, and Jedi don't fall in love. But somehow, that dream kiss . . . she hadn't really wanted it to end. 

"You're being stupid," she told herself, "It was just a dream." She flung herself back onto her pillow, but she didn't fall asleep until much later, after coaxing her mind into a dreamless sleep. She didn't want to see Obi-Wan in her subconscious anymore. 

~*~*~ 

Obi-Wan stirred in his sleep. It was the first night in months that he hadn't used a huge dosage of sleeping medication. Before his injury, it was the face of someone who he should not have been dreaming about, haunting him in his sleep. He dreamt of her, fighting alongside Anakin, and then, later, she and Anakin involved in a deeply passionate kiss. Anakin would turn to him and say, "You should not be watching, Master. These are private affairs." Then he would wake up. He remembered the girl's face vividly, as he saw it nearly every day. It was not Padme Amidala he saw at night. It was his sweet, young Eleila, who he would do anything to protect. He had wanted to chase away these dreams. So he immersed himself in medication. But now, after he had spent so long fending them off, they came back at full strength. 

He was running through the woods, chasing some glowing figure in the distance. He knew he would never catch them, but he had to chase them anyway. He had to know who it was. Suddenly, the trees thinned out. His mystery figure was standing on the bank of a stream, in the middle of a clearing. It was a woman. A beautiful woman with flowing black hair in a lovely dress of pink satin. She turned, and her soft features seemed to dance with delight at the sight of him. He couldn't quite place her. Until he was close enough to see her deep blue eyes beckoning him to fall into their depths and remain forever. It was Eleila, his Pretty One, but as he had never seen her before. She stepped closer to him and took his hand. She smiled at him and asked, "Will you love me forever, Obi-Wan?" 

He pulled back. He pretended to misunderstand. "Of course, Little One. You are as dear to me as a beloved daughter." 

Eleila laughed. "That is not what I meant, and you know it," she said, her eyes beckoning him still further. 

"We can't. We are forbidden." To his dismay, she leaned closer. 

"But this is a dream," she whispered, inches away from his cheek. He tried not to look at her. "It's your dream," she continued, "Unless you tell, who will ever know?" 

He gave into the urge to gaze into her eyes. They were deeper blue than he ever remembered. But dreams were like that, enhancing the things you remember the most. But that meant . . . No, he thought, I'm not thinking like that. Her lips were so close. He could swear he felt her breath. He tried to fight, but this kind of temptation was worse than even resisting the Dark Side. Why? he wondered, as he leaned in to kiss her. Because you didn't want to join the Dark Side, said a little voice in his head as their lips touched, but this . . . you want this. You want this very, very much. 

~*~*~ 

Obi-Wan sat up with a start. Eleila shrank back further into the shadows she was hiding in. She had wanted to watch him sleep, to show herself that her dream was just that - just a dream. So far, it had been working. She had managed to convince herself, and was about to go back to bed. But the minute he woke up, so suddenly, everything she'd fought to convince herself was a dream, came flooding back into reality. 

~*~*~ 

Obi-Wan ran his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply. It had been a dream, just a dream. That was all, you idiot, said a very sarcastic voice in the back of his head. Another, stronger one came to counter it. He recognized it as his own, speaking out loud. 

"But it had been so real," he whispered, "And I didn't want it to end." 

He was in trouble. It was bad enough that he was even having these feelings. But she was seventeen, and another Jedi. This was worse than even what Anakin had done. 

But you haven't done anything, reminded the sensible voice that had spoken in his dream. It was, as you say, just a dream. 

Suddenly, a movement near the door to his room caught his attention. He reached over to his bedside table and whipped on his lightsaber, with reflexes only a Jedi could have. Standing in the slightly green glow of his weapon was the last person he wanted to see in his bedroom that night. 

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," said a slightly startled Eleila, "I didn't mean to give you a fright." 

Obi-Wan turned off his lightsaber. The moonlight in the room cast a glow about her pale skin and contrasted with her dark hair. She's just so beautiful, thought Obi-Wan. He shook himself mentally. Not now, he thought, this is not the time. 

"It's all right. What are you doing here?" 

"I . . . well, I couldn't sleep," she said, "And I came to check on you." 

"You're very thoughtful," he said. Why are you being so formal? he asked himself. Because you're nervous, he answered back. Great, now you're talking to yourself. 

There was an awkward silence that passed. Eleila opened her mouth several times to say something, but no words ever came. 

This is ridiculous, she thought. "I'll just be going back to bed, then," she said, more briskly than she meant to. Obi-Wan nodded. 

"It is still late," he said. 

"Well, good night," she said. 

"Good night." 

Eleila cursed herself as she left. Stupid teenager, she told herself, be the Jedi you are. Quit being a teenager. You never were before. 

Obi-Wan cursed himself as he lay down to sleep. Don't be a moody mid-aged man, he told himself. She's seventeen. They have names for men that go after girls that young in this galaxy. 

Whatever they were thinking of, it took a very long time for the both of them to go back to sleep. 


	3. Recovery Woes

Ch. 3: Recovery Woes 

The next morning, Eleila woke bright and early, probably a trait borne of her Jedi experience, even though she was exhausted. She found that the nurse had slipped in that morning, laying out some Moniron commonwear so that, if she and Obi-Wan were to go out, she would blend in and not bring attention to herself as a Jedi. However, when she went to look for her own clothing that she had brought with her, she couldn't find it. Furious, she threw down her bag and stormed out of her room. She found the nurse downstairs, lounging in a chair. 

"What have you done with my clothes?" she demanded. 

The nurse looked at her. "I sold them," she answered simply. 

"You SOLD them?!" yelled Eleila. 

"I thought Jedi weren't supposed to feel anger," said the nurse, almost taunting. 

"You sold my traditional Jedi garments," said Eleila in a calmer voice, but it still dripped with fury. From her vantage point of the railing upstairs, Eleila could see the nurse's every move. 

"Well, yes," answered the nurse. "I thought that, as this was an assignment, you might want to look the part." 

"Of what?" 

"Of a native Moniron girl," she said, as if it should be obvious. Eleila looked at her. She heard Yoda's voice in the back of her head: Show no anger over frivolities like clothing. She nearly hit herself. There was that stupid seventeen-year-old showing again. Eleila was no seventeen-year-old. She was an experienced Jedi - a Knight of the New Order. She changed her tone and thanked the nurse. 

"Thank you for your consideration," she said. She then turned and went into her room to change. She sifted through the dresses. 

One was yellow and covered in lace. Another was green and lined with Moniron satin, a native cloth that was among the most expensive in the galaxy. After looking at all the dresses (there were at least seven), she decided on a pink satin one near the bottom. She put it on and nearly laughed at her reflection. The dress was long, hiding her dirt-stained cloth-wrapped boots, and had a short train in the back. The straps were thin, and hung off her shoulders. The neckline was low, coming to a slight point in the middle of her chest. The pale pink fabric was plain, having (and needing) no decoration. After she had finished dressing, and was deciding what to do with her hair (in a pretty dress like that, even Jedi wouldn't leave their hair down in a matted mess), a soft knock was on her door. Eleila opened it and let in the nurse who stood outside. 

"Yes?" she asked politely. The nurse smiled. 

"I thought that frock would look nice on you," she said. She picked up a piece of Eleila's hair and let it fall. "We must do something with that hair." 

After a while of the nurse's suggestions and Eleila's refusals, her long black hair was twisted elegantly in pieces on the back of her head. A circlet of pink stones crowned her head, and a necklace of pure gold and diamonds hung about her neck. 

"Very pretty," said the nurse. "Obi-Wan should be up and about on his cane today. Twice a week, three times a day he needs to get out and test his leg a bit. You can either use the back of the land or the front. I wouldn't stray too far, he tires easily. Enjoy yourself." With that she left. 

Eleila had a guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why was she not behaving like a Jedi? She just couldn't understand. Something about being there . . . No, Eleila, she told herself, be quiet, and go see Obi-Wan. 

She left her room, struggling to not get her train shut in the door as she closed it. She reached her friend quickly, and found him sitting up in bed, reading a newspaper from Coruscant. He looked up from the electric panel and looked at Eleila. 

His first thought was, I'm still dreaming. Indeed, Eleila looked like she had in his dream. A faint smile played at his lips as he realized his leg was aching a bit. So she really could look like that. How interesting. 

"Come in," he said, trying hard not to smile too broadly. Eleila, dressed up or not, was perfectly capable of injuring him more severely than he was now. He knew she had to be fighting an inner battle to just keep the dress, jewelry, and hair in place. If she had been at home in Coruscant, she would have switched back into her Jedi garb the moment she had an opportunity. Whatever had possessed her to wear the dress was beyond him. 

"The nurse bought it for me," she said, explaining for his thoughts. 

"Ah," he said, "Suddenly things make more sense." 

Eleila sent him a slight glare. Obi-Wan simply laughed. 

"You have to admit that I'm right," he said. 

"I will never," she retorted. 

"Suit yourself." 

Eleila threw back his bedsheets. "You need to get up," she said, "It's time for your exercise." Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes slightly at her. 

"I have a feeling that I'm not going to enjoy this very much," he said as Eleila headed toward his closet. "What are you doing?" he asked. 

"Borrowing some of your clothes," she replied. 

"What?" 

"Borrowing some of your clothes," she repeated. "I don't feel comfortable trekking about in the mud in a dress as beautiful as this." 

Obi-Wan hobbled over to the closet door with his cane and mechanical cast and shut it. "Lift your skirt," he said. Eleila looked at him curiously. 

"What are you talking about?" she asked. 

"Lift your skirt to your ankles. I want to see something." 

Eleila slowly lifted her skirt a few inches. Obi-Wan spotted the stained white leather and fabric of her boots and laughed. "Just as I suspected," he said. Eleila dropped her skirt again. "You'll be fine," he said, "It hasn't rained here in quite a long time, anyway." 

Eleila helped her friend down the stairs, slowly, much to the amusement of the nurse. 

"You enjoy yourselves," she said, laughing, as they hobbled out of the door. 

Eleila and Obi-Wan crossed the wooden bridge that spanned the stream in front of the house and began to wander through the fields, admiring the flowers and greenery around them. Obi-Wan was tense, thinking of how his dream had encompassed Eleila by a stream in a pink satin dress . . . but it was, as he told himself repeatedly, just a dream. Little did he know that Eleila was having nearly the same inner battle. 

They stopped and rested at about noon, under a solitary tree in the midst of a field of green grass, and Eleila pulled out a picnic lunch. For the fun of it, she used the Force to set out the food and such. She hadn't exercised her powers since before she left Coruscant. Obi-Wan gave her a patronizing look. 

"Eleila," he said nearly warningly. In retaliation Eleila sent a grape-like fruit flying though the air toward his forehead before he could work against it. It hit him exactly where she was aiming. She laughed as he rubbed his forehead and glared at her. He, in turn, hit her with a cracker, showering her dress with crumbs. The food fight went on in that manner, each using the Force to pelt the other with food, until they both collapsed on the ground with laughter. 

"The last time I had a food fight was before I became Master Ophedias's Padowan," Eleila said, laughing. 

"I've never had one," said Obi-Wan. 

"Now there's a shame," she said, sitting up. Obi-Wan sat up, too, and there was a fleeting moment when they were both sure that the other was staring directly into their eyes. Then, as they realized what they were doing, they quickly looked away, trying to convince themselves that they had just imagined it. 

"I think we should go back," said Eleila, gathering the picnic things. She then helped Obi-Wan to his feet and they hobbled together back to his house. 

Once Obi-Wan was safely back in his bed (much to his protests), Eleila returned to her room and took out her journal. 

It had been Master Ophedias that had given her the journal in the first place, as an outlet for her feelings. She had been nine at the time, and a newly selected Padowan. She had always had trouble controling her feelings, even though she had been in the Jedi program since she was a year old. It was thick, and loose-leaf pages had been placed inside of it. It held most of her memories and most of her feelings. She had often flipped through it's pages, recalling some of her earlier days that she could barely remember without the aid of her young words. 

Now she picked up a pen and began to fill in another entry. She wrote down everything about how she was feeling, searching for words to describe it. 

_I feel as if there were butterflies in my stomach when I'm near him. My palms tend to sweat, and I mix up my words. I struggle to keep still if I sit near him. I have dreams about him, with feelings I don't understand. I've tried to tell myself that it is nothing, but in the last dream, Obi-Wan used a word that, before now, has had no meaning, only that to harbor it is forbidden: love. I do not wish to admit it to myself, but there is only one way to describe everything I have felt since even before I left Coruscant. That word is the same that he used in my dream. I am having feelings of love. Not the kind that a Padowan has for a Master, that of obedience and loyalty, but another kind. I think this is what they call . . . falling in love._

__

__She snapped her journal closed, barely even aware of what she had been writing. Strangely, she didn't want to tear the page from the book and dispose of it. She stowed it carefully in her bag, her hand brushing the spare lightsaber she had brought with her. A lightsaber. The weapon of the Jedi. Her lightsaber. Her weapon. Master Yoda's words came back to her. 

_"You must be careful. Do not let your feelings -"_

__

__"Betray me," she finished out loud. She had replied that she had no desire to love. But . . . what if she did? What if, against her will, she had fallen in love with Obi-Wan? What then? She certainly wouldn't be in favor with the council anymore. Only Anakin could fall in love, because he was the chosen one. What if she loved him, but no one knew? She would be free to feel anything if no one ever found out. She was strong enough to not let her feelings get in the way of her ability to function as a Jedi, and she would never be tempted to the Dark Side. Eleila smiled to herself. A great weight had just been lifted from her. She was free. The council could never do anything about it, because they would never know. Well, Yoda would know, but Yoda would keep it a secret. She smiled more broadly. Whether or not she really did love Obi-Wan, she was free to find out for herself. 

A clanging of a pot downstairs told her that the nurse was preparing dinner. More a housemaid than a nurse, thought Eleila, nearly laughing. At least she wasn't required to cook. That would be a disaster. Her talents as a Jedi certainly didn't carry over to the kitchen. A cry a few moments later called her to dinner. She smiled again to herself as she went to get her love, her Obi-Wan. 


End file.
